I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
YAS. BRING CRAB.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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