i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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