You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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