Pappa wants mamma naked
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
