Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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