He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I looked at my own cervix.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
