6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
