Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
