remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
