So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
