It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
