First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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