careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
