apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My bed smells like the plague
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
