You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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