Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
