you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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