people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
