Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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