I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
