I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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