it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
