So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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