that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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