then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
