if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
