Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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