She told me I should be a condom model.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
