I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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