I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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