Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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