Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
