Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
