High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
