Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
