I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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