Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
