Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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