Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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