Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
