I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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