Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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