Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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