k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
