Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
