I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
