I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
