I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
