Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants