What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.