Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence