What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My vagina just clenched in fear
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
