we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
