oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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