I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
