roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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