So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pole danced in your parka.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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