I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
