She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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