How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
