A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
