ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
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