haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
