youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
