and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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