then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
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All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
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Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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