What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
