some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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