I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
