so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
