dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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