I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
"it" just moved
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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