btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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